Monday, August 13, 2007
Our Family Dog (Me, Mom, and Dad), Rusty, who is only 10 years old is in poor health. He has a cantaloupe sized tumor in his chest. The tumor has pushed his esophagus up to around his spine. He hasn't been eating well due to this. He probably doesn't have long. I am going home this weekend to say my goodbye to my best boy (besides Buddha). It will be unbearable. I don't know if I even have the strength, but I have to do it. I like dogs more than I like people. This dog is the sweetest boy you could ever imagine. This is all so sudden, it rocks my whole being. I cannot tell you how incomprehensible it is. I cannot believe that I am going to drive up to PA to say goodbye to my little buddy this weekend...what is harder to believe is that I will have to drive away, and how will I do that? How do you say a tangible goodbye? A certain goodbye.
I can't even imagine how hard it will be.
I thought that I would not even suggest this possibility to my parents, because I didn't think that I could bear it. Then I thought of how much my little Rusty lights up when he sees me. This thought ate at me. It is my duty to go and see him and say my goodbye to him. He is as close as a brother to me. How could I just stay here and prefer my memory of him to the truth of how he feels? That would be a selfish decision on my part. Part of being an adult (as I am learning) is putting your own emotions aside to do the right thing for someone else.
I owe my boy this visit.
He was my first dog. We had other dogs all growing up, but my Rusty was my first dog that I identified as my own. He slept in my bed, and was my special boy. He was the first "Inside Dog" that we had. When I left for college, he became the replacement son for my parents to take care of. I cannot imagine the world without him in it.
These animals become such a part of you that you cannot imagine.
I know that Rusty does not have a promising outcome. His outcome is in fact terminal, however, I ask all of you who might read this to say a little prayer for my Rusty. Pray that he is not suffering any pain. Pray that he is not in any discomfort. Pray for my family, that we can process all of this and make it through ok. My Dad has gone through so much lately, and this amazing dog is his little baby. Pray for all of us. Please. We would appreciate it.
This sad song is kind of how how I feel tonight...
I'm sick of feeling this way, but see no immediate way out of it.
To quote the Sarah MacLauglin song..."Hold on...hold on to yourself...this is gonna hurt like hell..."